the girl in the panda hat

This was the first book I ever published. It has two editions, the first was released without and ISBN, so therefore wasn't 'official'. A year after, I published a second edition with an ISBN, which you can request from any library in the UK! The second edition has a final part, which in hindsight, I wish I never added, as it is tied to my abusive ex.

So, a bit of background on the book:

I had a nervous breakdown which happened after getting bullied in two different schools, so I left school early and there was approximately a year that I was at home, in my room, too anxious to go anywhere and in that time I wrote a lot of poems and short stories. I knew I'd do something with them one day, but it wasn't until the end of 2012 that I felt okay to read back through them all and sort them out so they made sense as a book. I mostly had poems, but I did use some of the stories I had written as well. I feel like this book is a portion of my life when I was in a very dark place, but releasing it now that I'm in a happy place is proof that even when you're as low as I was, it can get better. That's why I wanted to do this, to make sure people know that they're not alone in how they feel and that things can improve. It was really hard for me to pull myself together after the breakdown, but I wanted to fight.

Below is a little bit of information about what's in the book.

I split it into two parts, one for short stories and one for poetry. I wanted to include both parts because whilst it may seem unrelated, the thing that connects them all is how I was feeling when I wrote it. In fairness, it is mainly made up of poems, just so you know.

Here is the contents page (for the first edition):

Part One

2 An Open Letter From A Misunderstood Teenager 3 Taken - A Captured Moment In Time 12 Dreams Again 18 Misfortunes and Miss. Mischance 29 Categorize and Departmentalized 37 Requited

Part Two

39 Your Mistake 40 A Moment In Time Had Our Names On It, But My Watch Broke And I'm Not Fixing It 41 Chaotic Silence 42 Promises 43 I Stand Corrected 44 Ruin 45 No Light At The End Of The Tunnel 46 Red Lipstick Girl 48 Popularity 49 Some Things Never Change 50 I'm Just Invisible Me 51 An Undecided Teen 53 I Wish That You Were Sorry 54 Green Difference 55 Broken Things 56 The Way I Used To Be 57 Broken Dreams 58 Don't Give Up Hope, Don't Let Me Go 59 I Wouldn't Be So Sure 60 My World 61 Just Go It Alone Now 62 Different Now 63 Lost In The Corners Of My Mind 65 Rumour 66 Replace My Broken Heart 67 I Swear It Was There Before 68 Don't Cry To Me 69 Not What I Bargained For 70 Confusion 71 What If It's Lost? 72 One Way Street 73 Your Fault Not Mine 74 It's Time 75 One Time Too Many 76 Nothing Lasts Forever 77 Maybe 78 Questioning Society 79 Still

80 Do It Now Or Never 81 Change 82 Perfect Image 83 Rejected 84 Drove Away 85 No Such Word As Forgive 86 Hazardous 87 Not Quite 88 Last Chance 89 New 90 Asperger's 91 Blindfolded 92 Not Perfect On Time 93 Apology 94 Blinding Truth 95 Everything Back 96 Memory Loss 97 If It Wasn't For Them 98 All Lies 99 Not Going To Happen Like That 100 I Won't Let Go 101 Don't Lie, I Know I'm Different 103 I Had To Learn To Live With Me 105 Never, Always, Anyway 106 Caught Up In-Between 108 Running Out 109 Atmosphere 110 Fake Happiness 112 That Feeling 113 All Talk 114 You Don't Know 116 Blue Fuzzy Clarity 117 Viewpoint

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