When I’ve been used to doing something a certain way for a long time, I get very upset when it suddenly changes for whatever reason. Example: I have the one of a few options for lunch every day. Sometimes I decide to have something completely different, but because it’s my choice, that’s fine. I could eat something different everyday – so long as that’s what I’ve decided and I’ve bought the right things.
Anyway, every now and then, either because I’ve forgotten to buy something or because I’ve let something go out of date without realizing, I can’t have what I was expecting to have for lunch – and I don’t live near a shop so I can’t just pop out and sort it (not that I’m comfortable going out alone anyway). It’s just a small thing I guess, and a lot of people would just go back to the fridge and find something else. But with me it’s not that simple. I only buy what I will eat in that week, specifically, so there’s never anything ‘spare’. It’s seems silly really, but I genuinely panic. Although I’m a lot better at compromise than I used to be; I think I subconsciously buy too much of something one week so it will be there just in case – like soup or beans.
There’s usually a possible solution to my problems. But, it’s rarely good enough. And even if I grit my teeth and go with ‘plan B’, I still feel distressed and upset and unsatisfied.
Another prime example is when I’m ordering food at a restaurant (especially if it’s fast food from a drive through). I always prepare exactly what I’m going to say, in my head, beforehand – which, obviously, includes what food I have chosen. And when the words ‘We’re out of _____’ spill out of their mouth I just die inside. Yes, it’s very melodramatic, but I honestly feel like my insides have shrivelled up. I just didn’t consider that I might have to choose something else, and almost invariably I will pause for about 5-10 seconds (not thinking about what else I could have, just staring blankly at the menu whilst panicking) and then blurt out the thing I’ve been unknowingly staring at on the menu. It’s never what I wanted and I’m always annoyed with myself afterwards. And another thing! I ALWAYS figure out what to say the second after I’ve told them something I don’t want. But it’s too late then – or at least, I’m not confident enough to change my order.