WillowHope - Asperger Syndrome Blogger

I don’t know why I struggle with eye contact. It just feels like when I look into their eyes, they can see everything about me, and it just feels so overwhelming. I know they’re not psychic, but that’s the kind of power I feel they have if they look into my eyes. If I do manage to look, I feel like it gets more ‘painful’/overwhelming the longer I maintain it, and then I start to get really hot and I have to look away, but then I don’t know where to look instead and it just becomes even more awkward.

I try instead to just look between their eyes or at their nose, which sort of looks mostly like I’m looking at them, but is less difficult. At least it’s only one point to focus on – if you look at their eyes, which one are you supposed to look at? The more I think about that, the more I sort of, nervously switch between their eyes; it’s a subtle movement but they can probably tell.

Photographs are fine, I can look at eyes, I just can’t look at someone in front of me’s eyes! Eyes are pretty and I appreciate that you can tell things about a person from looking at their eyes. Not so much an emotion, because I’m kind of useless at that – but more, just whether they look friendly or kind etc.

As for cameras and looking into the lens, I cope fine with that. I didn’t used to be able to, it used to make me nervous in the same way that looking into eyes did, but over time, I learned to look into the lens and it doesn’t bother me at all. Which, I suppose, might suggest that over time, with practice, I could look people in the eye; I just don’t see it going down as well!

I think with the camera, it was more a case of being unconfident about doing a video blog, not necessarily being nervous about the lens – because I never had an issue with looking at it for a photo.

I hope that I would get more comfortable with eye contact. It’s just so scary!

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Written by Willow Marsden — January 29, 2014

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